Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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