Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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