dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize