tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
