If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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