Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
