i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
