cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
