Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
