Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
