I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
