sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
