Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
