I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize