a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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