Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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