ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
