Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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