Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
