your parents love me but you hate me
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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