wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
