First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm like, not good at living.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
