you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
