Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
