I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
