do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
