...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
