Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize