He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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