What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
