I want to have your abortion
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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