I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i now understand why vodka
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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