wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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