The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
