nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize