There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
