Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
