Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
