so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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