I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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