i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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