I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
