it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
