Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
