turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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