She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
