Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize