Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
