I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
