Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
