You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
where am i from again
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize