my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
