I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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