I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
