and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
