He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
