do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize