honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
