Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
