the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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