i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
