he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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