It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ttyl tear gas
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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