Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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