so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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