i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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