Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
